Talking to myself...

When you have four followers, I know this information is not earth shattering.
I know it is a lot more isolating caring for the sick, whether human or furry, and I have exhausted the ears of my face to face friends, but I am venting again.

Seems like holidays and weekends tend to seem worse.  Not sure if it is me because I have no distractions or if what I am seeing I should be looking at EVEN MORE closely.   He is sleeping a lot.   He is not eating again.  I am hallucinating the tummy is getting bigger.

Bigger.... about like he was in September when I brought him in because he was throwing up and acting oddly.   Now I am not at all sure what oddly is.  BUT because I am inflicting nourishment on him multiple times a day, he does not vomit much at all.  Tends to on empty to wake me up gently in the morning, running for the paper towels!  But more than a week apart.  When he was healthy he would eat too much too fast and throw a full tummy up... when I was gone it would end up cleaned up by him, but as I am around a lot more now, I know it is staying down and only once.

His fur is shiny, although when I pet him a lot it looks clumpy.  I know that is static electricity because we spark a bit too.  Unloved he is fluffy, not shedding and full.

There are very odd and distinct brown clumps in the irises of his tree-frog green eyes.  I wish I knew someone skilled in pet virology because I KNOW it is telling us something.

And he barely notices birds when we go out.

My plan was to sort of stimulate his appetite.  Let him think of stalking his food and bring him in to chase treats... but he is so used to it, he barely chatters at the mocking bird or two and the Inca dove that tends to join us (THEY like the kibble... even if he is ignoring it.)

Yesterday a neighbor and her sister walked by and humans chatted, but he made an escape right out of his collar and into the door.  That was great!  I don't want him panicking but if he comes inside I don't have to fear him running off.

So.... I see him doing little muscle twitches that I think must be from the DCA.  I am going to invest in the B1 they say we need and the neuropathy is reversible.  BUT I still don't know what that tumor IS.  I am trying to cut the steroids in case I actually have a whole cat at the end of this.  I would like him functional, not sick from the side effects... but I really am hoping his wonderful sleepy, cheerful self (not him, really... so I know he is not well) can stay a LOT longer.  But I really will need to get a life SOME day!

Long Weekends.

He greeted me with a half-hearted stretch this morning.  I think the belly is stretching his skin a bit much and he stops after reaching out with his paws.  He doesn't follow through all the way to the tip of his tail like he used to.  We slept with the window open and it was wonderful.  I don't keep the air conditioning very low as I don't actually DO much around here in the summer anyway, so I don't mind, but I have worried that he may be uncomfortable.  He has a corner in the office/studio that is on the tile and he will sit in there while I type.  Sometimes he stays after I leave.
He has started protesting being petted.
He was NEVER a cuddler, but when he was sick before we would commune.  He would not put up with my lap but always found a flat spot from chin to belly on me to sleep most of the night.  In the winter, I think he found it too warm.  He will pop up beside me (always just as I am starting to doze off....) and say hi, but when I pet him, he backs off.....
I notice him staring off into space.
Last week he had a couple of tummy upsets but he is eating the wet food (OH, how much I hate that stuff!  I was so proud he never bothered me with opening cans because I gave in to begging etc.  NOW he will brazenly reach up to sniff the french fries I bring into the house... just in case he wants it!) and it moves past the mass quite handily.
What a trouper.
He doesn't like fingers.  He bites.... but he LOVES to rub against my toes.

The Photos of the End

I have to show you what stopped my life cold last month.

The Dude now looks like a pregnant girl with a four or five kitten litter ready to pop.  I must say, he actually acts that way too.  But... I was explained that the BIG WHITE BALL (a month ago... this was about the size of my fist) is a tumor.  Nothing more or less.  The little blip open space at the high spot near his spine is his stomach, the couple of blops at the bottom are  his bowel.

He has been eating soft food and I am setting my own time table:  When he doesn't have a bowel movement for three days or he begins vomiting a lot, I will know it has taken up all of his digesting space and we will have to make arrangements.....

..... but..... this time there is NO good outlook.  Anyone who has a vet in town that actually thinks they want to whittle him away would be welcome, but I cannot pay.  I am reactivating my go fund me account, to see if I can give the extra to my own absolutely wonderful vet who has worked with me so long and been so generous.  I am WAY behind, and fighting to pay the other bills. JUST something to feel like I am useful.

MEANWHILE, he is absolutely normal.
I was thinking of renaming the blog "Dead Cat Walking" but although morbidly humorous, I can't sustain the giggle that I had when he merrily waddled away and took a swipe at my foot on the way.

This post may not last long.  I just needed to vent... I mostly just watch him sleep and see him inhaling and exhaling and it makes me happy.....
Thanks to you all.  I really can't tell you how much I appreciated EVERY single one of you.
dj*

Bulking Up

I came home from a three day visit with my mother and there he was.

Hard to gauge normal, BUT I got to scratching his shoulders and there right where it should be, was muscle! His very bony sharp edged blades had definite padding now!

Two nights away and it was VISIBLE. His fur is thick and not doing his projectile shedding.

His new personality is a bit evasive. He loves to rub my foot, but not so much be petted. Perhaps it is defending himself from future kidnapping and banishment???

At any rate, Monday will be the last day of nuclear kitty litter.

I was asked to get another test at 30 days. He is looking so good, I may ask my vet if we can go 60.

We have some Christmas Art to do in the mean time!!

Called the Hospital

Mostly just to check in. My biggest problem is he has suddenly become very mellow and social. NOT lovey-dovey, but very friendly! An unusual condition indeed!

The results for his outgoing test, five days after treatment had his T4 (the big thyroid indicator - normal range between 4 and .8) at 2. SO PERFECT!!!

His thyroid which has come back from hiding while the wild cells took over his life, is apparently popping back into action. He is mellow, not lethargic - nappy, not sleepy - alert, not wired - and now we add more and more pops onto my lap to say hi... which is regulated to 30 minutes a day. He is getting even in his very personally subversive way!

9:45 AM Day Two

So we got the first overnight report.

He ate well, drank well but had, as of morning, nothing coming out. Well, the guy was ticked off at me YESTERDAY morning when he didn't get his breakfast, so he was probably empty. She said she will look in again in a little while, but that she was not concerned. . .

However, she did say he was a little bit less cooperative than she expected.

She said he hissed and batted at her when she went in to give him more water.

We were not concerned.

I explained that if he bats with his ears back, he means back off. Otherwise we play that way. The hiss? That is his quite clear announcement that he is not a happy camper. The Dude has always taken his stressers out on me. The Hiss is a very clear announcement that all is not right in his world. It really is not an very personal thing. He would run into the room when he was his sickest and just jump on my chest and hiss in my face. Not AT me, TO me. I explained that she should well heed him, but that he was announcing that he was going to write letters to the proprietor of the kitty spa! He rarely follows with a major nip.

And I did warn about the teeth. He is nippy. He boxes and has since he was teeny. His preferred plaything is hands. No fuzzy mousies, no birdies or balls. He likes matching wits with a human. So, I told her to watch those ears. If he bats with his ears plastered down, it is a warning. If they are up and tough, it is a challenge.... Better yet, just let him be grumpy and leave him alone.

Once he was chatting with a new neighbor through the screen. A cute petite female who looked like she might have a tag. I opened the door and she RAN in way before I could catch her. IMMEDIATELY the Dude began screaming! I would have thought he might want to say hi to her, or even joust her, but NOO. . . . . !! She darted right back out and he tore into my ankles and sliced and diced ME! Very obviously a complaint that his world would NOT tolerate intruders! I told the nurse that I tried to trim his front claws, that they looked pretty soft but for their own protection they MIGHT want to avoid them.

Well, that is a start. She did say she would call before she went home today and update the bodily functions report.

Hopefully they are well warned!

(The car is stuck in the shop. I apparently have a $200 plus issue which I should have over half covered by extended warranty. The repair should be easy. . . the bookwork will slow things down. So I sit for most of the day.)

CAR (not CAT) Issues Today.

(SHOOT! I swear I just heard him chatting in the other room. Either my ears or my head need adjusting!)

I am waiting for the first day post-procedure update. And the day BEFORE I took him in, my car started hesitating on start and downright grinding for a while! So, with all required events done, I took it to a nearby shop to see if the repair we did on the EXACT SAME THING earlier this year is a parts issue and warranteed or something new! So today I am required to sit - not the usual finding myself sitting.

I am low on coffee and deep in post walk-back-home endorphins and started thinking about this whole amazing project.

If you read back, you will find that I knew he was sick for a long time. As an artist in a bad economy I went to a seminar on how to raise funds . . . thinking it would be for support between commissioned work. As an off handed remark, the presenter read (from the list of projects on a site) "dog needs surgery" and went back into funding books and high rises.

!!!!!

I am on a very lean cash flow. Knowing that The Dude could be CURED not just managed was always eating in my brain but my cash flow being so negative it kept being pushed down.

After I headed home, I did a LOT of research. I realized I needed to understand ALL of the variables. I needed a real and worthwhile way of presenting my need, of letting people know who we were and why it was worth their time and money!

I am a blogger in the minimum. That means I do have one really respectable blog to expose my pet art called the Dog A Day Art Blog. I did one painting a day for over a year. It included commissions but mostly I sat my easel up in a local off-leash and practiced until I had covered most of the AKC breeds. . . MOST I say. . . Without fail, someone will bring in an intriguing mix that I will guess at and find it is the newest exotic! I will say, my knowledge of canine subjects is amazing since the last dog to live in my house was in the mid 80's!

Looking through the files (I know I have more photos, but they are on FLOPPY DISKS!!!) of the earliest Dude pix, I learned he was a bit younger (and an even better candidate for the procedure!) and really enjoyed skimming the overview of his life.

I can talk!

I can ramble on and on about what goes on in my head so I tended to be concise in my art blog and allow my words to dribble a bit here. After all, this is a love letter to my best friend.

(Sorry, family and boyfriend . . . but the original Kid was when I learned how very important the life form that sleeps at the foot of the bed EVERY night is above and beyond the two legged wandering types!)

I had to cut my first posts in bite sized chunks, just so I could call it a blog and not a novel!

I then searched all of the funding sites to see what suited us.

For others interested in crowd funding, google it! I was so touched by the idea! The very type of rush I get when I donate a portrait to a charity event is not just the reciprocal promotion, but the physical warmth I get knowing I am doing something good and tangible! But asking for help instead of giving it . . . I just didn't feel right.

I recently started picking carefully charities I would donate to because I was literally doing 80% freebies and not paying the bills. I joked that I WOULD BECOME A CHARITY SOON if this kept up. And I found a lot of people were in my boat. That we WANT to be part of the solution. It is not in my nature to shake fists at the dark, I am a candle lighter. But wickless!

The first donation I tried to give back. It was big. I got a scolding from the donor who explained that they felt SO GOOD helping me, that they had watched me online for years and KNEW me as a painter. To help me when I needed help was enriching them.

That completely blew my mind.

I am rambling as usual, but I wanted to reflect on how very amazing it is to be on the other end. Many of us out here (being self employed means I don't qualify for unemployment insurance between commissions, means I pay all of my income taxes, not just the employEE share and don't show up on statistics. At best I am under-employed but for months at a time, it doesn't feel like I am a very good boss.) want to keep the bounty flowing. I know there is a sort of constipation in the economy. It won't grow if it can't flow! I save money but have had to sort of become a hoarder. The emergencies don't announce themselves early. The wee income I do have has not found its way into the flow other than the ABSOLUTE necessities for quite a few years. After the Dude is well, I plan on adding my $5's and $10's to crowd sourcing activities on a regular basis.

I know how much that tiny little will help! I thank all of you who knew it before me!

TODAY IS THE DAY!!

Here is the cage sitting in the vet's office waiting for them to come and take him away.

He had his little anxiety attack... and his mom is starting to be a mess.

You see, the vet said he has a slightly large heart.

That did freak me.

Feather had congestive heart failure. For a year or more, she just sort of sat in on a chair and watched life go by. The Dude is not in that condition. But . . .

He did his panting thing. Even the Radiology vet looked and wondered why. I explained he was having an anxiety attack. I KNOW he is.

They decided to change his meds from a simple knock out, bring back to feline Valium! PERFECT!

The whole procedure is less than 15 minutes. They do a bit of sedation to allow the injection and for a couple of baths that keep the radiation at the office and not in my living room.

Melanie, the girl who has helped me all the way along, said she will call me later this afternoon when he is done with the procedure and observed to be back to normal. He has a buddy who is coming in at 11 and both of them will get the procedure around 1. Then they sit in their very clean bank of cages with micro filtration banks of air sweepers for three days until they stop glowing.

From here on in, I hold my breath, go see what is wrong with my car (!?!?!?!?!) and hope that the sign over the desk is true:

Good Bye To the Bottle. Can Your Rescue Use It?

For close to two years these little bottles have been keeping the Dude from crawling the walls, yo-yo-ing his weight up and down and allowing him to find a good life. Tonight will be his last dose if all goes well.

The nifty thing about this process is that it only kills cells that make thyroid hormone. The gland that is supposed to is regulated elsewhere and when the tumor cells start going crazy, spewing out the stuff, the gland is told to shut down. Because it goes dormant, we regulate the amount in his system with this drug. And it works well.

For two weeks ahead, we want the bad cells to do their worst! The radioactive stuff seeks ONLY these kinds of cells and chews them up. Also, just in case ANY of the normal cells are functioning, we try to drive them way underground by the sensors in the pituitary shutting the spigot off hard because of all the yuck from the bad guys. We want ALL of the medicine out of the system so the treatment can do its worst.

After the three hot days, when the cat is actively radioactive, before the half lives start breaking the iodine down, the levels will drop as the treatment clears out. By the time the bad cells are gone, the nuclear missiles are too. When the all clear sounds, the dormant gland will be awakened again and there may be a few odd months of him starting to regulate his own levels.

They tell me not to panic for three months. There is no exact prediction, but way into the 90%'s of the cats come out with perfectly normal thyroids. It is rare that a healthy thyroid is damaged by the process. Apparently if the thyroid comes out underfunctional. (hypo) it was already damaged for some other reason. We x-rayed him to be sure no physical abnormality kept him from having it work.

Fingers crossed I will no longer need this half bottle again!

I am going to send this post to as many local cat rescues as I can. This is a good three or four months of normal for a rescuer who has a sick kitty and can use a little help.

IF any of you know a rescue that needs this, drop me a line and we can meet up when my vet says The Dude is good to go. All the generous people that have helped me needs a bit of passing it forward. THANK YOU ALL.

The Spa?

Short note.
I have been posting on the YAHOO GROUP for "Feline HyperT" for more info and support since he was first diagnosed.
I just wanted to comment on the way they talk about the procedure. I like it!
They say he is heading to the kitty SPA.



OH does that suit him!

A Change of Venue

Ever get a sort of sinking feeling?

Well, I had talked to the Radiocat people and was starting to get MORE confused than calmed. I had talked to my vet about a conflict wherein her "Instructions to Professionals" indicated a two week "flush" so the meds would no longer mask the active irregular cells, so the Radioactive iodine would find all of the nasty stuff, but she was supposed to send along a one week clean test. LOTS of tests!

I got a paper that said four days before we scheduled, we went off the meds. That is all. My vet (the wonderful Dr. Delac) had left at least two messages with them that they had not replied to. I had also waited for four days at one point to get information.

Every time I talked to Radiocat, I got too much information. The first time I felt like I had a lot of info, but had missed the window of opportunity by a day. The tests would not be done in time and I had to wait for a month until the doctors came to town. Then it was two more weeks. Then it was the tests that we SHOULD have.

I had tried to explain that he had gotten very ill when I had a bad bottle of medication... she kept thinking that his levels were topping out and that there must have been SOME medicine. Radiocat kept reinforcing that they could only do the maximum amount. IF it was not enough, The dude might need to be treated again.

Well, there are a lot of issues but yesterday, when I DID talk to her, I was even more confused. The tests were due back today and the Doc was going to send them over. During my conversation, among the contradictions and odd replies to my questions (such as how come my paperwork said four days, hers said two weeks off meds?) explaining that the process was personalized for EACH cat. And her explanation of my cat (who she assumed was TOPPING out the numbers) would be just fine with a few days off meds... I SUDDENLY realized that early in this quest to repair my dude, I had talked to the ONE other local radio-oncology vet's office in town. The girl was very helpful and I LIKED what she had told me but I was not sure what she was saying.

So, I looked it up again!

EVERYTHING I heard sounded completely understandable, I liked knowing the place was there all the time, not just once a month... or month and a half.

So I took my papers and went over.

I talked to the doctor who would administer the treatment, toured the whole place, liked very much what I saw!

So.... we have moved it back ONE week. Again, I timed it off, but we will have a two week flush and fix him up on August 29...

I just feel better!

Updates! More news to come...

I was pet sitting all week for a friend so I have not been posting much.

I did get a friend to loan me a big pet crate. Radiocat says you need a pet carrier. I have found he gets a little too hot and hyper in his small carrying case, so I borrowed a small cat motel for him!

It is old and odd. As he is much more of a light-weight than he was, I hope he will feel a little more comfortable standing up and moving. The old reliable is nice and cozy and suitable for rushing him off in emergencies, but not really so good for allaying his fears. I figured as he is going to be taking a longer trip for the procedure to the specialty vet, I might as well make it as easy on him as I can.

More to come . . Photos! Updates! Stay Tuned!

A Little Too Excited.

Short but sweet:

I got in touch with Radiocat, which will be its own post next.

They explained the whole procedure, how it works, what is so right about it and why it is the best idea! I talked to my vet and she will start her end as SOON as we have a schedule from the Radiocat. She is fine with waiting on her end.

Another baby picture. He still kisses me, and still runs like heck after!

The Dude is really doing well enough that he is fighting with me again. And purring SO LOUD it is like another cat. Getting his meds right is a big revelation. With a couple more weeks fattening him up before we have to take him off ALL of his meds for a week before he goes, I hope he doesn't crash, but I have this weird sense that I won't know him when he is healthy! (I wouldn't mind if he stayed aroung 14 pounds - 18 was just embarrassing!)

Thank EVERYONE for their donations, I am overwhelmed with the generosity!

The Indian School Animal Hospital Gang.

A year or so ago (I have lost weight, so it freaks me out!!) I was asked to be in a Journalism project for Kati Shearer, a student at the Cronkite School of Journalism at ASU.

The picture that begins the clip is a memorial for my vet, Dr. Lori Delac. Her Indian School Animal Hospital is where I took him to get looked into.

The hyperesthesia or Heebie-Jeebies was a real eye opener. He had only lost about 4 or 5 pounds at the time and was not all that sick from the thyroid issues. BUT we had to try to figure out the underlying cause. Dr. Delac was wonderful.

The painting of her good old Great Dane was done as my hardest type of a commission:

I call them PRE-memorials. They do bring me to tears. The animal had just been diagnosed with bone cancer. It was a matter of time and Lori was so attached, she asked me to come in a few years earlier to do a portrait. She was able to extend the Dane's life with amputation, so it was not quite the painful experience I talk about in the clip.

The other portrait is the gang at the office! Dr. Delac is not just my vet, she is my patron and they are all my friends.