Gruel

I have been beside myself trying to get more food into him and less on me.
There is a phenomenon.  He still eats kibble.  Mostly as a treat, as in when thrown.  My samples of some Blue Buffalo and Taste of the Wild are great when I take him outside for his jaunts.  Usually if the birds have not eaten all the snacks thrown earlier in the day, he will down small handfuls.  Not enough to qualify as meals but enough to qualify as eating.
So this morning I softened up a fist full with warm water and while softening I put them on the floor and LO! He ate a bit of that!
Soggy kibble plus some instant uber condensed dried food to maximize caloric intake will save a LOT over the $2 per go cans.  When he stops getting to hungry at night so he gags and throws up empty in the AM I think I will feel much better.
Also, he is looking big.  He has a soft but roundish belly.  I can't tell if it is healthy, can't remember how big or hard the tumor felt, but this seems squishy and cat-like.  I sort of wish I could see him skinny.  JUST to know I was fattening him up.

I washed the "Jethro leash" my friends shamed me into trying to upgrade, but it never seemed to make it out of the washer..... may have to check to be sure it is not wound up in horrible places.  Here is a wonderful photo of a recent jaunt.

Season's Greetings from The Dude!

Hefty!

I swear.  He is getting bulkier.
Yesterday a friend gave me a couple of bags of the cat food she feeds her pets.  Blue Buffalo and Taste of the Wild.   He ate it like treats.  I didn't put it in a bowl, for fear he would know I wanted him to eat a lot.
He is eating (not nearly enough) but kibble and on his own.
The vertebrae are less visible and I really can't tell if the belly is round from eating properly or if it is still the tumor.  I would sort of like to see it a bit shrunken, but I can't honestly remember what a normal tummy feels like.  It LOOKS perfect.
He is leaving his little halter on all the time.  It is a wee bit tighter than I like it but he is very comfortable with it up in his armpits so when I link my "Jethro" lead to it, he just saunters our the front door with less stress.
The trips outside seem really to help him.  He is more alert and much grumpier.  He has always been grumpy.  Demanding and vocal, I was worried at first and then realized that the sweeter he is, the sicker he is.  His returning nastiness is all great!
dj*

The Dude on a walk...

My boy is an indoor cat.

I have had a very bad habit of allowing my indoor cats to go walking as their end is near.  Partially because they are weaker and I can catch them, but also because it is boring sitting around looking sick.

So I found this little dinky collar that goes around his neck and under his elbows.  He CAN pull out backwards but he has to do just enough squiggling that I can catch him.

My DCA treatments have VISIBLY shrunk his tumor.  I was not taking photos as I found it too depressing. The ones I have... well black is a very slimming color so you can't really see the bulge, but my description of about to have a litter of 10 kittens really summed it up.

Except that he won't eat enough food (he likes treats but only about 20 at a time, I tricked him into some kitten food but that was still only a few) canned or dry or anything twice to keep him alive while I give him the meds, I am slurping pumpkin/A/D pet-food and whatever open can he would not eat in the mix 6-10 fat syringefuls on both of us and hopefully into him daily.

BUT he is looking so good, I am going to keep it up.

\

No trips anywhere for the holidays... which is a GREAT thing!

Svelt...

Seriously, I swear he is getting skinny.  Not in an emaciated way (although really, he is not back to normal) but I used to cringe watching him walk away with that roundness BULGING out of him.  Well, I just look and think, I am going nuts, but it is smaller.  Like a grapefruit, not a cantaloupe and although he is bonier, he shoulders are not as bad as they were when he was really sick!

So.
Anyone know what will create an appetite?  I mean I am personally shoving all the food I can into his little mouth.  I know it is not enough but it seems to be what he needs to feed the medicine into that tumor!

Today we did enjoy TOGETHER some chicken from the grocery store.  He had about 5 or six begs and DID eat them when tossed for a while.  Then a break and a couple more.

I tried again in about an hour and he ate.

The trouble is, anything he SEEMS to like one day, he just turns his nose up at the next.

So I am wearing some Fancy Feast fish flavor today.

Hallucinating again...

Because this stuff I am giving him is untested and unregulated, I am flying blindly here, but I had a great day yesterday.

I decided he should get a chance to see the world outside the window so I took him out on a string and let him roll in the dust and bask in direct sun.... and grumble as I was not letting him run free or even very far as he would easily pull out of my little loop (I would NOT let it be a full slip knot so I stopped it from closing) but he was definitely enjoying.  Then RIGHT in and shove food plus med and right out again so he had mental residuals of excitement not force feeding.

And I remembered I had purchased some minced clams.  Was told cats love the stuff.  Poured a little on his open tin of cat food and he was SNARFING... not the whole thing, but large visible bits!
I can't really tell if he is being stubborn from my ambushes or actually anorexic.

BUT here is the hallucination.
I SWEAR his profile is looking normal.  I feel the hardness in his belly but from above, just walking by, he looks like a normal cat!
(The sellers of the DCA are not real good at advice and don't have a very thorough site for info, but they are good cheerleaders, saying that the WORST side effects are some neuropathy and if the tumor dies too quickly it can overload the animals system and cause organ failure.)  But as the prognoisis is so bad, we are double dosing and I swear, I THINK I see results.

Pat me on the head and say "well.. that is very nice..."  I don't mind being humored.

A year?

Wow.  I missed it.  Today is the year anniversary of my last post about  Mom.  Which is good.  I wrote it on the calendar wrong.  I knew it was two days after Thanksgiving and knew it was a Saturday but got the DATE of Thanksgiving wrong.
I guess I am sort of happy as the Dude is up and relatively  normal.  Not so groggy.  Not so sleepy but still not so hungry. But he has made it past her anniversary so unless he goes on Christmas Eve (when I lost Dad) I may have only two terrible anniversaries during the holidays....

I have decided to reduce his prednisone a little.  His kidneys are going a bit over the edge.
I have my Magic Bullet out and am trying to make tasty slime for him to lap up as he will crunch treats but prefers the soup in the cat food to the substance.  (Personally I still think he is messing with me.)

The powder is now being measured  and applied to scraps of the last of the turkey left overs.  He doesn't taste it at all.  But apparently chicken does not hold the same appeal.  I have some livers I was going to try to cook and mash, but I think I will see if he finishes off the smelly old 9 Lives I got him.

We play a game of tag all morning.
He used to like waking me up and begging for food and I would give him his meds during munch time.  But now his appetite is way down and after waking me up, he makes me leave so he can eat in peace.
Tomorrow I will wake up and dose him.  Let the worst thing be first and he can sulk if he wants, but I can drink my coffee anywhere I want without waiting for him to come out to eat!
dj*

On and off the edge....

I am going a little over the edge.  It is temporary.

For some reason he seems worse on weekends.
I had a bit of turkey and he likes it.  So I pinch off very tiny bite sized bits, as he seems to gnarf.  Last weekend it was some chicken... swallowed a bunch and threw ALL of it back at me.  Totally emptied his stomach of about half an hour of eating so I was worried he had no ability to digest.
But this week he seems to do good for about two teaspoons of canned food about three times a day and lots of treats to chase.  He is barely munching the dry.
So.... this morning he did the same thing with about a nice teaspoon and a half or so of tiny turkey chunks.

Yesterday I got my jar of DCA.  It is powdered and I apparently need a device that cannot be found - a .01mg scale - on a weekend.  I have a friend that I can't get to that we were going to measure out dosages of this completely uncertified tumor shrinking compound that I was hoping might make room in his body for bodily functions by making the cantaloupe a little smaller....
With him turning up his nose at food... well not really but having a perpetual upset stomach, I am not sure how to get it into him.  He really holds a grudge now when I give him his meds....

More to come, just venting.
Tomorrow I will get some of the special diet the vet gave me to shove down his throat and tell her of my science experiments.  But today I just watch him... sleep... and worse, just stare.
dj*

November? REALLY!

I am checking in because I have filled his monthly prednisone twice, so we are into three months and he looks like he is going to have a litter of 10 kittens!  His personality is the same but last weekend I had a freak out.  Mostly I worry he is going to starve.  That tumor is squeezing his organs to nothing, but he is breathing nicely, smoothly, quietly and purring as he does... when he does.
We had snacks.  I was eating some grocery store chicken and he was begging so he had super small tid-bits and quite a few!  I love it when he eats.... but...
Less than 10 minutes from putting the left overs away, he threw up a WHOLE stomach of all of our snacks.   His bowel movements have been regular and every other day.  A bit smaller than used to be, but this day it was hardly any... I was freaking that he was unable to eat and digest!

I ran and got pumpkin which had helped in his youth for constipation, and it was a good Holiday treat.
For the last two days he is fine.  Had a second movement the next day which made up for the stoppage.

So I have these episodes.

And I am looking into tumor shrinkers.  Some untested unapproved stuff that is over the counter... well non-prescription that I would only try as my other option is putting him to sleep.

I will post more, but honestly, he is pretty much himself!  Which is amazing and worth every minute we have...

Long Weekends.

He greeted me with a half-hearted stretch this morning.  I think the belly is stretching his skin a bit much and he stops after reaching out with his paws.  He doesn't follow through all the way to the tip of his tail like he used to.  We slept with the window open and it was wonderful.  I don't keep the air conditioning very low as I don't actually DO much around here in the summer anyway, so I don't mind, but I have worried that he may be uncomfortable.  He has a corner in the office/studio that is on the tile and he will sit in there while I type.  Sometimes he stays after I leave.
He has started protesting being petted.
He was NEVER a cuddler, but when he was sick before we would commune.  He would not put up with my lap but always found a flat spot from chin to belly on me to sleep most of the night.  In the winter, I think he found it too warm.  He will pop up beside me (always just as I am starting to doze off....) and say hi, but when I pet him, he backs off.....
I notice him staring off into space.
Last week he had a couple of tummy upsets but he is eating the wet food (OH, how much I hate that stuff!  I was so proud he never bothered me with opening cans because I gave in to begging etc.  NOW he will brazenly reach up to sniff the french fries I bring into the house... just in case he wants it!) and it moves past the mass quite handily.
What a trouper.
He doesn't like fingers.  He bites.... but he LOVES to rub against my toes.

The Photos of the End

I have to show you what stopped my life cold last month.

The Dude now looks like a pregnant girl with a four or five kitten litter ready to pop.  I must say, he actually acts that way too.  But... I was explained that the BIG WHITE BALL (a month ago... this was about the size of my fist) is a tumor.  Nothing more or less.  The little blip open space at the high spot near his spine is his stomach, the couple of blops at the bottom are  his bowel.

He has been eating soft food and I am setting my own time table:  When he doesn't have a bowel movement for three days or he begins vomiting a lot, I will know it has taken up all of his digesting space and we will have to make arrangements.....

..... but..... this time there is NO good outlook.  Anyone who has a vet in town that actually thinks they want to whittle him away would be welcome, but I cannot pay.  I am reactivating my go fund me account, to see if I can give the extra to my own absolutely wonderful vet who has worked with me so long and been so generous.  I am WAY behind, and fighting to pay the other bills. JUST something to feel like I am useful.

MEANWHILE, he is absolutely normal.
I was thinking of renaming the blog "Dead Cat Walking" but although morbidly humorous, I can't sustain the giggle that I had when he merrily waddled away and took a swipe at my foot on the way.

This post may not last long.  I just needed to vent... I mostly just watch him sleep and see him inhaling and exhaling and it makes me happy.....
Thanks to you all.  I really can't tell you how much I appreciated EVERY single one of you.
dj*

BAD news.

After a year of my same old aloof, snotty, judgemental cuddly beautiful guy back, a month or so ago, he decided he liked dark rooms more. Nothing much, just sleeping a lot which is a good response to the heat. Then a couple of weeks ago his fat belly seemed not to go down after he ate. So today we went to the doc and he has a tumor, literally baseball sized, squeezing his guts and she says there appear to be some nodules on his heart.

In a perfect world, we would go to an oncologist and find it operable and it would all be covered under some research grant.

I fear my pals who helped so much last year are just going to have to know we gave him a really great year, but his timer is going to run out at about 13. How suitable for a black cat.

I have prednisone which may reduce the inflammation and slow it, but from the speed I saw it grow, I don't think he will see Halloween.

SOOOOOOOOOOoooooo sad.....