Small Victory!

He is on the soft.  ON it, not under it.

I bought a little heating pad called a Cozy Spot, which is basically a pocket with two holes sewed on an 8" heating pad.  Not really hot, not really big and I put it under the towel I keep for him so the tile floor doesn't chill him more than my already chilly, space-heated room.

After a bad attempt at letting the pepcid dissolve (too anxious on my part) and finding both his pills still in the syringe, I gave him a soggier smaller dose and tried to hurry him outside for his promised sit.

Brrr.  HE may have enjoyed it but humans are not strong enough to sit there and chill, so it was a brief escape.  I caught him at the water bowl and he had tried a taste of the AD.  AD smells something yuck, which cats - normal cats - find very yum.  He gave it a couple of licks.   I am not sure if that indicates he is getting the tiniest appetite again or what but he didn't even try it yesterday.

And I brought him to the sofa and left him on the electric blanket.    And, he stayed for a while while I sketched.

Now when I go back, he will probably have hunkered down again, but he tolerated me again.

Success!

My vet does not think I am crazy.

MAN!  I was so happy.
There is a great acceptance of the miraculous going on, but she said that prednisone can really mess up their tummy so go get pepcid!  I am back up on the prednisone with a promise to come back after he is fattened up.

I want to apologize again to everyone who is so patient with me portending my trip to euthanize him and not doing it.  There are STILL viable options with his condition and I am just too effing stubborn to give up.

Well, we may be premature.

So I have been so worried about his kidneys I wanted him to reduce the prednisone.  Apparently those side effects I was not seeing (weight gain and over-eating) were diminishing.  So I just watched him war with me about food for a whole day and went back to the full dose.
Today he is so much more himself.
He loves to go outside and watch the birds.  The dove circles him and the two mocking birds that eat his leftovers watch, he watches back.  I have not had much luck of recent days doing much but sitting outside, but he does think the same kibble is tastier out there.
I keep reading about acclimating pets to new food.  It seems he literally cycles.  One day he only likes treats.  One day it is the fake steak red bits in the kitten food.  One day the green ones.  I swear, he is messing with me!

So, because he has a foot stool near the window but likes to sleep on the electric blanket all day (on) I saw a little sort of an electric muff in the Walgreens and put it on his glass viewing table with a (yes, I have one) Snuggy, all folded up to allow me to unplug and possibly save a bit of fear and electricity.

He is good today.

I am ok too!

Talking to myself...

When you have four followers, I know this information is not earth shattering.
I know it is a lot more isolating caring for the sick, whether human or furry, and I have exhausted the ears of my face to face friends, but I am venting again.

Seems like holidays and weekends tend to seem worse.  Not sure if it is me because I have no distractions or if what I am seeing I should be looking at EVEN MORE closely.   He is sleeping a lot.   He is not eating again.  I am hallucinating the tummy is getting bigger.

Bigger.... about like he was in September when I brought him in because he was throwing up and acting oddly.   Now I am not at all sure what oddly is.  BUT because I am inflicting nourishment on him multiple times a day, he does not vomit much at all.  Tends to on empty to wake me up gently in the morning, running for the paper towels!  But more than a week apart.  When he was healthy he would eat too much too fast and throw a full tummy up... when I was gone it would end up cleaned up by him, but as I am around a lot more now, I know it is staying down and only once.

His fur is shiny, although when I pet him a lot it looks clumpy.  I know that is static electricity because we spark a bit too.  Unloved he is fluffy, not shedding and full.

There are very odd and distinct brown clumps in the irises of his tree-frog green eyes.  I wish I knew someone skilled in pet virology because I KNOW it is telling us something.

And he barely notices birds when we go out.

My plan was to sort of stimulate his appetite.  Let him think of stalking his food and bring him in to chase treats... but he is so used to it, he barely chatters at the mocking bird or two and the Inca dove that tends to join us (THEY like the kibble... even if he is ignoring it.)

Yesterday a neighbor and her sister walked by and humans chatted, but he made an escape right out of his collar and into the door.  That was great!  I don't want him panicking but if he comes inside I don't have to fear him running off.

So.... I see him doing little muscle twitches that I think must be from the DCA.  I am going to invest in the B1 they say we need and the neuropathy is reversible.  BUT I still don't know what that tumor IS.  I am trying to cut the steroids in case I actually have a whole cat at the end of this.  I would like him functional, not sick from the side effects... but I really am hoping his wonderful sleepy, cheerful self (not him, really... so I know he is not well) can stay a LOT longer.  But I really will need to get a life SOME day!

Gruel

I have been beside myself trying to get more food into him and less on me.
There is a phenomenon.  He still eats kibble.  Mostly as a treat, as in when thrown.  My samples of some Blue Buffalo and Taste of the Wild are great when I take him outside for his jaunts.  Usually if the birds have not eaten all the snacks thrown earlier in the day, he will down small handfuls.  Not enough to qualify as meals but enough to qualify as eating.
So this morning I softened up a fist full with warm water and while softening I put them on the floor and LO! He ate a bit of that!
Soggy kibble plus some instant uber condensed dried food to maximize caloric intake will save a LOT over the $2 per go cans.  When he stops getting to hungry at night so he gags and throws up empty in the AM I think I will feel much better.
Also, he is looking big.  He has a soft but roundish belly.  I can't tell if it is healthy, can't remember how big or hard the tumor felt, but this seems squishy and cat-like.  I sort of wish I could see him skinny.  JUST to know I was fattening him up.

I washed the "Jethro leash" my friends shamed me into trying to upgrade, but it never seemed to make it out of the washer..... may have to check to be sure it is not wound up in horrible places.  Here is a wonderful photo of a recent jaunt.

The Dude on a walk...

My boy is an indoor cat.

I have had a very bad habit of allowing my indoor cats to go walking as their end is near.  Partially because they are weaker and I can catch them, but also because it is boring sitting around looking sick.

So I found this little dinky collar that goes around his neck and under his elbows.  He CAN pull out backwards but he has to do just enough squiggling that I can catch him.

My DCA treatments have VISIBLY shrunk his tumor.  I was not taking photos as I found it too depressing. The ones I have... well black is a very slimming color so you can't really see the bulge, but my description of about to have a litter of 10 kittens really summed it up.

Except that he won't eat enough food (he likes treats but only about 20 at a time, I tricked him into some kitten food but that was still only a few) canned or dry or anything twice to keep him alive while I give him the meds, I am slurping pumpkin/A/D pet-food and whatever open can he would not eat in the mix 6-10 fat syringefuls on both of us and hopefully into him daily.

BUT he is looking so good, I am going to keep it up.

\

No trips anywhere for the holidays... which is a GREAT thing!

Long Weekends.

He greeted me with a half-hearted stretch this morning.  I think the belly is stretching his skin a bit much and he stops after reaching out with his paws.  He doesn't follow through all the way to the tip of his tail like he used to.  We slept with the window open and it was wonderful.  I don't keep the air conditioning very low as I don't actually DO much around here in the summer anyway, so I don't mind, but I have worried that he may be uncomfortable.  He has a corner in the office/studio that is on the tile and he will sit in there while I type.  Sometimes he stays after I leave.
He has started protesting being petted.
He was NEVER a cuddler, but when he was sick before we would commune.  He would not put up with my lap but always found a flat spot from chin to belly on me to sleep most of the night.  In the winter, I think he found it too warm.  He will pop up beside me (always just as I am starting to doze off....) and say hi, but when I pet him, he backs off.....
I notice him staring off into space.
Last week he had a couple of tummy upsets but he is eating the wet food (OH, how much I hate that stuff!  I was so proud he never bothered me with opening cans because I gave in to begging etc.  NOW he will brazenly reach up to sniff the french fries I bring into the house... just in case he wants it!) and it moves past the mass quite handily.
What a trouper.
He doesn't like fingers.  He bites.... but he LOVES to rub against my toes.

The Photos of the End

I have to show you what stopped my life cold last month.

The Dude now looks like a pregnant girl with a four or five kitten litter ready to pop.  I must say, he actually acts that way too.  But... I was explained that the BIG WHITE BALL (a month ago... this was about the size of my fist) is a tumor.  Nothing more or less.  The little blip open space at the high spot near his spine is his stomach, the couple of blops at the bottom are  his bowel.

He has been eating soft food and I am setting my own time table:  When he doesn't have a bowel movement for three days or he begins vomiting a lot, I will know it has taken up all of his digesting space and we will have to make arrangements.....

..... but..... this time there is NO good outlook.  Anyone who has a vet in town that actually thinks they want to whittle him away would be welcome, but I cannot pay.  I am reactivating my go fund me account, to see if I can give the extra to my own absolutely wonderful vet who has worked with me so long and been so generous.  I am WAY behind, and fighting to pay the other bills. JUST something to feel like I am useful.

MEANWHILE, he is absolutely normal.
I was thinking of renaming the blog "Dead Cat Walking" but although morbidly humorous, I can't sustain the giggle that I had when he merrily waddled away and took a swipe at my foot on the way.

This post may not last long.  I just needed to vent... I mostly just watch him sleep and see him inhaling and exhaling and it makes me happy.....
Thanks to you all.  I really can't tell you how much I appreciated EVERY single one of you.
dj*

BAD news.

After a year of my same old aloof, snotty, judgemental cuddly beautiful guy back, a month or so ago, he decided he liked dark rooms more. Nothing much, just sleeping a lot which is a good response to the heat. Then a couple of weeks ago his fat belly seemed not to go down after he ate. So today we went to the doc and he has a tumor, literally baseball sized, squeezing his guts and she says there appear to be some nodules on his heart.

In a perfect world, we would go to an oncologist and find it operable and it would all be covered under some research grant.

I fear my pals who helped so much last year are just going to have to know we gave him a really great year, but his timer is going to run out at about 13. How suitable for a black cat.

I have prednisone which may reduce the inflammation and slow it, but from the speed I saw it grow, I don't think he will see Halloween.

SOOOOOOOOOOoooooo sad.....

Saturday Morning.

I called them around 10.

They are busy today so I am going on the "NO NEWS . . ." good news principle.

Rhiannan said he had not taken any water or food overnight (they tend to check at 7 for weigh in and food) but as he had eaten they have no problems. I made sure they would call if there was any stool report. They gave him his first shot and again, no news.

I have decided the white tile and shower of my bathroom make a perfect little hide out for him while he cools down this week.

They won't let us sleep together, which is not how we do it. Contact is more at his "beck and call" than cuddle or "sleep together!" Short and intermittent contact is the norm but at night he sometimes sneaks up on the bed nearby.

I figure there is plenty of room for food, toys and scratching and even a cozy room in the shower for hiding out. Just would rather clean up radioactive barf off a tile floor than hunting it down under beds.

Going to get his disposable litter box and a bit more food for him to have in case he is stubborn and won't eat the usual stuff.

Glad to have his ugly scratcher go! I don't know that he much used it, but I was comforted that he had something to relieve his frustration . . . which he probably did NOT. . . which means we will be getting it at home tonight!!!

Will see you later this evening.!

I Shall Have HELL to Pay!

I liken him to a drama addict. The kitty next door is just happy to see people. My guy is really a bully. He sees very few people and tends to pretend he is a "cat", friendly prr's and chats and rubbing of legs with visitors.

When they leave, he just sits and "plots my demise".

That was all his pictures EVER looked like. He never would have a clue as to how to take care of himself, but I always knew he waited for that day.... and then he got older and sicker and started realizing I was useful.

When I first started giving him treats like cheese and bits of meat from my own meals he thought that was REALLY COOL and now he literally would pull my hand away from my face to sniff everything I brought into the living room as a snack. He is a bully!

Now in his cage, he is like a grumpy old neighbor, complaining about EVERYTHING! He threatens them when they come to clean up after his recent fur ball, he showed real teeth with me today.

I have found that backing him down works. I grab his head and scratch behind his ears and he is fine. But it is hard to do in a box!!!

I brought extra dry food as he was eating well and they ran out of the bag of goodies. They didn't want to court the runs with the other issues he had!

I stayed briefly and will be back later today to just put my face in. He is the king of his domain and absolutely a mess away from home.

I will be wearing cowboy boots in 100 degree days for the weekend at least! He will not be quick to forgive me!

Other than that, he seems quite fine.

Early Call This Morning

Of course I freaked when the phone rang a little after 8.

All the news was good. He even stinked up his cage so he has eliminated through elimination the stuff he is supposed to.

He also threw up his food. That sounds awful, but he does that a lot. I think it is boredom. He chews on his dry food like I do potato chips. He is smart enough to barf it back. I gain weight and get migraines!

I was telling a friend online how, although my cat is not at all affectionate, occasionally demanding of attention, he has short interactions with me. He and I will check in. I hear him do a little mmmww under his breath and I say hi. He is sleeping in a corner too long and I will call out "Doood!" and he looks up, answers and goes back to sleep. He runs into my foot while I am sitting in a chair and rubs it. He HATES me to pick him up or pet him. It is ALL on his terms.

At night RIGHT about the time I doze off, he will plop himself on my tummy and indulge in quality petting. About five minutes and he is off.

When he first was getting well from the meds, he started falling asleep on me. THAT was so amazing! Living with a cat for 10 years that would LEAP on and leap off my chest (never my lap. That may have been partially due to his former 18 pound weight) for his own reward, actually being peaceful and happy enough to sleep with me, heartbeat to heartbeat. . .

I am going to bring a little cheese stick for him this afternoon. He has been called playful. That means I might wear my long sleeved shirt. We are not actively seeking bites or scratches while he still glows in the dark, but I bet he may want to express a bit of displeasure with his recent incarceration.

FUR-BALL!

The 4ish report was glowing. Biggest news was a furball. yippee.

Not a danged thing they could come up with to call news. I swear, I am pumping her but we agree, tomorrow around 3, we get to look in and have a visit.

I REALLY MISS HIM!

Thinking About Rescue and Adoption.

I sort of have said all this in the beginning of the blog but many of my rescue friends have been telling their stories of ill cats and I think a lot of what came to be my experience with how wonderful bringing a pet into your life is why the Dude being sick makes me think about The Kid (his namesake).

My first very own cat, the ORIGINAL Kid, and The Dude were neither officially adopted. The two loves of my life were little unwanted micro life forms that nobody wanted.

No humans that is.

THE Kid was brought into Bel Ray Institute in Denver in a pregnant Siamese mom whose life was ending. The litter was born but the mother was lost. My best girlfriend was studying to be a vet tech at the time. Perhaps I will have to credit (blame???) Barbara for all this rescue work I do. Her obsessive love of animals somehow found me driving across town with a shoebox full of litter and an oozy-eyed egg-sized life form that looked like it had black chicken pluckings glued on it. He was NOT a pretty sight. As we drove, I remember the FIRST amazing Siamese YOWL that nearly drove me off the road! Tiny body, but a full-throated wail that nearly burst my ears!

I was neither mother, nor cat material.

I honestly was saying "No" as it was put in my car as I left her house. On arrival home, the boyfriend was thrilled. His cat Feather, was the first cat I had ever really known to love.

She was a tripod. I also found through her, that indoor cats made less allergies! So in spite of nearly ALWAYS having one reddened nostril from a sniffle, I learned how wonderful living with a cat could be.

FEATHER was not happy. She had been a mother and was not up to any more kids, much less one that oozed!

Kid was amazingly small, but housebroken. His eyes needed a lot of ointment and we watched him carefully. At night we locked him in the bathroom. I am laughing as I type!!! I just remembered that my apartment was a second story in the great Washington Park part of Denver. The floor under the toilet had LITERALLY rotted a bit. There were gaping holes and we stuffed towels in them for fear he would fall through! His isolation at first was trying to be good cat parents. Feather began punishing us from the first. For what seemed like weeks, if he was around, she was missing.

Feather was a three-footed purr machine. She was a graceful and elegant silver tabby with bright green eyes. She was so beautiful, that new guests regularly would GASP outloud hours into the evening when they realized she was missing a back leg - an injury from her wild days in wild lands.

That kitty breath in my face with the kneading on my chest. Wow, the sensation is actually overwhelming now. She was a beautiful spirit.

So....she ignored us and him.... and then one day, in the irrepressible KID-ness of him, he was playing, she was ignoring and he would do his paws up "BIG CAT" thing, and topple to one side and try hard to engage her. She just glowered, then quite suddenly slapped a paw atop his shoulder blades while he was down and began grooming him, as if she had had quite enough of this sloppy little urchin.

So they became fused. She would take on the Border Collie that lived with us a while if he so much as wagged a tail in the Kid's direction. The maternal instinct just took over.

I read online of a real brain damage that I know he had. His twin sister literally had to be put down for her aggressive behavior. All the wicked that ended in her was drained from him. I even remember him purring when we had him put to sleep 18years later. In fear or in love, he would purr.

We knew he was different when after he lived (the name "the Kid" was because we didn't think he had the stamina and he was so ill that we figured if we didn't give him a name, we wouldn't miss him so much if he didn't make it) people commented on his odd walk. He sort of always kicked his back legs behind him as if he had a piece of tape on each foot.

Upon one of my friend's comment on the odd walk, I indignantly replied "He is no funnier than FEATHER!" and realized that she walked pretty funny herself!

Not only the odd gate, but he used to stick to the rug.

When he got over excited, his claws would sort of automatically grab and often he would forget to let go and trip himself on the floor. He used to leap up and run into the other room and miss.... hit the door and try again. He never needed catnip. And oddly I think it never did anything to him.

We got rid of our TV for two years and I honestly never missed it. I watched him approach life every day with excitement and kitty joy!

Once, I was walking around the house coming home from work and heard his howl. When I looked up, there he was. Having just learned to hop into window sills, he apparently thought it might be fun to climb the screen. Up in my window was a very crucified looking Kiddie, stuck - as was his habit, from fear - to the screen. I was laughing so hard when I in the apartment, I believe I may have offended him.

Through a couple more relationships and moves to two other states, I retained the "children" and when Feather finally died of congestive heart failure, I thought her purr would never be replaced. We did get another cat who was much happier outside. Kiddie and I got tighter and tighter.

He woke up my present beau in the night leaping into the tub and missing! He would sleep on my face which made the new relationship a LITTLE tricky, but KID was going to win, and if the boyfriend didn't like it he was gone.

The Kid lived to be 18. I used to say, if he were human, he would have graduated from high school. . . if he had made it through kindergarten! He had small tumors and finally one in his head.

The vet was so wonderful.

When we knew it was terminal, the vet said his quality of life would be fine. I would know when the right time came.

Kiddie began backing up, as if he had a headache about a week before I was due to go out of town. I had a sitter arranged but was torn up over what the definition of "misery" would be. Dr. Saltero said, "Why should he even have to BE miserable?"

I petted him and sat as his loud and fearful purring stopped.

I really love the sense that his WHOLE life was of giving and getting love. Even at the end.

so. . .

THE DUDE was assumed to be his spirit returned. His INDEPENDENCE is a whole other lesson.

Thanks for listening. The vet's office should be calling soon, but I fear the absence of fur in my face is stirring up allergies, because I seem to have runny eyes!!!

Wednesday Morning Report

I am just a potato.

The car is scheduled to be done this morning. . . that nebulous time until like 3 PM.

So I was watching tv and doing email and just waiting.

They outsmarted me today, as both times yesterday I called as Melanie was still in her garb from doing her rounds. She called right about 9. And her assessment was "FANTASTIC."

She said he was still hissing but after talking to me, had a better assessment of his personality. She said he even purred a little when he was examined. His urine is great but the bowel is a little slow. I warned her that he is VERY good at that part when it works!

She explained that the little cages have a litterbox and food and water and that my scratcher is a bit big for it. So she took the mousey off the board and he is cuddling it. AH. . . . He would probably be using the board to take his frustrations out on me but he will have to satisfy himself with a slightly catnipped sisal mousey which he doesn't really give a hoot about.

No weight GAIN, but he is stable, and stuff is going in. His panic attacks are diminished and he is apparently used to the gang. For now.

Tomorrow is bath day, and I won't be able to come see him until after 3.

They sedate him and want to be sure he is not limp when I get a look. Apparently is it 36 hours after treatment and they did him after 1 so they estimate a couple of hours to make him presentable.

I am pretty sure I will be able to take a few more snaps, maybe even of the isolation ward, when I go tomorrow. They have a bank of cages, a little roomier (vet dog size) and we can come scratch noses and feed treats for a couple of days. Then Friday again, then they will allow me to bring him back after the last bath on Saturday.

This all is great. They call it ALARA (As Low As Reasonably Achievable) radiation. This is another reason I was thrilled to use VCA instead of Radiocat. I was unhappy to make him sick for an additional 11 days, but Radiocat was fine with four days off meds. They understood I had misgivings, but I also could not see how the BEST effect could be achieved if they didn't maximize the activity of the disease. We had an ongoing miscommunication that was very frustrating.

They also would only keep him for the three days. YES AND NO. I live in a small house and was thrilled to see him back, BUT I like that VCA is monitoring him those two full days more. The days out of isolation and under the care of the staff is going to be good for ME. I am old enough to probably not have to worry about a lot of the issues that a younger woman would have from exposure, but my thyroid is just fine right now. Nice to keep it that way.

AND VCA is authorized to only do a top end of radiation. It should work fine on him, as he has a pretty high number, when he is tested later and his numbers should be fine, he comes up sick, they will RE-treat him at no added charge. This is very comforting, as the fund is all I have. I would NEVER be able to afford this twice!

Tomorrow - pictures!

9:45 AM Day Two

So we got the first overnight report.

He ate well, drank well but had, as of morning, nothing coming out. Well, the guy was ticked off at me YESTERDAY morning when he didn't get his breakfast, so he was probably empty. She said she will look in again in a little while, but that she was not concerned. . .

However, she did say he was a little bit less cooperative than she expected.

She said he hissed and batted at her when she went in to give him more water.

We were not concerned.

I explained that if he bats with his ears back, he means back off. Otherwise we play that way. The hiss? That is his quite clear announcement that he is not a happy camper. The Dude has always taken his stressers out on me. The Hiss is a very clear announcement that all is not right in his world. It really is not an very personal thing. He would run into the room when he was his sickest and just jump on my chest and hiss in my face. Not AT me, TO me. I explained that she should well heed him, but that he was announcing that he was going to write letters to the proprietor of the kitty spa! He rarely follows with a major nip.

And I did warn about the teeth. He is nippy. He boxes and has since he was teeny. His preferred plaything is hands. No fuzzy mousies, no birdies or balls. He likes matching wits with a human. So, I told her to watch those ears. If he bats with his ears plastered down, it is a warning. If they are up and tough, it is a challenge.... Better yet, just let him be grumpy and leave him alone.

Once he was chatting with a new neighbor through the screen. A cute petite female who looked like she might have a tag. I opened the door and she RAN in way before I could catch her. IMMEDIATELY the Dude began screaming! I would have thought he might want to say hi to her, or even joust her, but NOO. . . . . !! She darted right back out and he tore into my ankles and sliced and diced ME! Very obviously a complaint that his world would NOT tolerate intruders! I told the nurse that I tried to trim his front claws, that they looked pretty soft but for their own protection they MIGHT want to avoid them.

Well, that is a start. She did say she would call before she went home today and update the bodily functions report.

Hopefully they are well warned!

(The car is stuck in the shop. I apparently have a $200 plus issue which I should have over half covered by extended warranty. The repair should be easy. . . the bookwork will slow things down. So I sit for most of the day.)

CAR (not CAT) Issues Today.

(SHOOT! I swear I just heard him chatting in the other room. Either my ears or my head need adjusting!)

I am waiting for the first day post-procedure update. And the day BEFORE I took him in, my car started hesitating on start and downright grinding for a while! So, with all required events done, I took it to a nearby shop to see if the repair we did on the EXACT SAME THING earlier this year is a parts issue and warranteed or something new! So today I am required to sit - not the usual finding myself sitting.

I am low on coffee and deep in post walk-back-home endorphins and started thinking about this whole amazing project.

If you read back, you will find that I knew he was sick for a long time. As an artist in a bad economy I went to a seminar on how to raise funds . . . thinking it would be for support between commissioned work. As an off handed remark, the presenter read (from the list of projects on a site) "dog needs surgery" and went back into funding books and high rises.

!!!!!

I am on a very lean cash flow. Knowing that The Dude could be CURED not just managed was always eating in my brain but my cash flow being so negative it kept being pushed down.

After I headed home, I did a LOT of research. I realized I needed to understand ALL of the variables. I needed a real and worthwhile way of presenting my need, of letting people know who we were and why it was worth their time and money!

I am a blogger in the minimum. That means I do have one really respectable blog to expose my pet art called the Dog A Day Art Blog. I did one painting a day for over a year. It included commissions but mostly I sat my easel up in a local off-leash and practiced until I had covered most of the AKC breeds. . . MOST I say. . . Without fail, someone will bring in an intriguing mix that I will guess at and find it is the newest exotic! I will say, my knowledge of canine subjects is amazing since the last dog to live in my house was in the mid 80's!

Looking through the files (I know I have more photos, but they are on FLOPPY DISKS!!!) of the earliest Dude pix, I learned he was a bit younger (and an even better candidate for the procedure!) and really enjoyed skimming the overview of his life.

I can talk!

I can ramble on and on about what goes on in my head so I tended to be concise in my art blog and allow my words to dribble a bit here. After all, this is a love letter to my best friend.

(Sorry, family and boyfriend . . . but the original Kid was when I learned how very important the life form that sleeps at the foot of the bed EVERY night is above and beyond the two legged wandering types!)

I had to cut my first posts in bite sized chunks, just so I could call it a blog and not a novel!

I then searched all of the funding sites to see what suited us.

For others interested in crowd funding, google it! I was so touched by the idea! The very type of rush I get when I donate a portrait to a charity event is not just the reciprocal promotion, but the physical warmth I get knowing I am doing something good and tangible! But asking for help instead of giving it . . . I just didn't feel right.

I recently started picking carefully charities I would donate to because I was literally doing 80% freebies and not paying the bills. I joked that I WOULD BECOME A CHARITY SOON if this kept up. And I found a lot of people were in my boat. That we WANT to be part of the solution. It is not in my nature to shake fists at the dark, I am a candle lighter. But wickless!

The first donation I tried to give back. It was big. I got a scolding from the donor who explained that they felt SO GOOD helping me, that they had watched me online for years and KNEW me as a painter. To help me when I needed help was enriching them.

That completely blew my mind.

I am rambling as usual, but I wanted to reflect on how very amazing it is to be on the other end. Many of us out here (being self employed means I don't qualify for unemployment insurance between commissions, means I pay all of my income taxes, not just the employEE share and don't show up on statistics. At best I am under-employed but for months at a time, it doesn't feel like I am a very good boss.) want to keep the bounty flowing. I know there is a sort of constipation in the economy. It won't grow if it can't flow! I save money but have had to sort of become a hoarder. The emergencies don't announce themselves early. The wee income I do have has not found its way into the flow other than the ABSOLUTE necessities for quite a few years. After the Dude is well, I plan on adding my $5's and $10's to crowd sourcing activities on a regular basis.

I know how much that tiny little will help! I thank all of you who knew it before me!

4:15 and all is well. . .

I just got the call from the office and he is back awake, and they are going to give him some dry food and a bit of his cheap Friskies!

(He is NOT a picky eater, but when he got sick, he didn't eat. I started him on junk food and he loves the pate as a treat when I would give him his meds. So I threw a couple of cans of the usual in a baggie.)

Not much.

She says she will call tomorrow before 10 to see how his appetite is and what the post procedure effects are.

HOLY COW! Theoretically, I have a normal healthy cat after this! I am tearing up trying to remember what NORMAL was!

TODAY IS THE DAY!!

Here is the cage sitting in the vet's office waiting for them to come and take him away.

He had his little anxiety attack... and his mom is starting to be a mess.

You see, the vet said he has a slightly large heart.

That did freak me.

Feather had congestive heart failure. For a year or more, she just sort of sat in on a chair and watched life go by. The Dude is not in that condition. But . . .

He did his panting thing. Even the Radiology vet looked and wondered why. I explained he was having an anxiety attack. I KNOW he is.

They decided to change his meds from a simple knock out, bring back to feline Valium! PERFECT!

The whole procedure is less than 15 minutes. They do a bit of sedation to allow the injection and for a couple of baths that keep the radiation at the office and not in my living room.

Melanie, the girl who has helped me all the way along, said she will call me later this afternoon when he is done with the procedure and observed to be back to normal. He has a buddy who is coming in at 11 and both of them will get the procedure around 1. Then they sit in their very clean bank of cages with micro filtration banks of air sweepers for three days until they stop glowing.

From here on in, I hold my breath, go see what is wrong with my car (!?!?!?!?!) and hope that the sign over the desk is true:

Two More Days to Watch. . .

It was another very normal day!

I will say he is getting much more pushy. I have a lot of canned food, and treats and whatever I think he will eat. He has been begging cheese and I have been allowing every whim. He does not look as robust as when we took him off the meds, but every day closer, I am so grateful that he is not ill.

He did do one very weird thing...

He likes to lie on my chest while I recline on the sofa. When he wants to go he is obliged to pat my cheek and give me a real kiss. ONE good lick at least. And he knows it.

Some of his love pats have been a little sharp so I grabbed the clippers and thought I would be smart and just take the edges off.

Normally he bites a bit when he is fed up. This time he did a very odd threat (I WILL NEVER get it on camera but it is odd...) like about to hiss but didn't. Then kept his mouth open.

What is that????

Like "I CAN. . . really I can bite your face off so stop. . . Really! . ."

It was disconcerting and I allowed him to leave.

I say it is weird because it was a bit like he just didn't have the energy to follow through. He jumped off just fine, but I sort of wondered if he was maybe even a little dehydrated. Never stared into his wide open mouth that long! And he did it twice!

We shall see what tomorrow brings.