Small Victory!

He is on the soft.  ON it, not under it.

I bought a little heating pad called a Cozy Spot, which is basically a pocket with two holes sewed on an 8" heating pad.  Not really hot, not really big and I put it under the towel I keep for him so the tile floor doesn't chill him more than my already chilly, space-heated room.

After a bad attempt at letting the pepcid dissolve (too anxious on my part) and finding both his pills still in the syringe, I gave him a soggier smaller dose and tried to hurry him outside for his promised sit.

Brrr.  HE may have enjoyed it but humans are not strong enough to sit there and chill, so it was a brief escape.  I caught him at the water bowl and he had tried a taste of the AD.  AD smells something yuck, which cats - normal cats - find very yum.  He gave it a couple of licks.   I am not sure if that indicates he is getting the tiniest appetite again or what but he didn't even try it yesterday.

And I brought him to the sofa and left him on the electric blanket.    And, he stayed for a while while I sketched.

Now when I go back, he will probably have hunkered down again, but he tolerated me again.

Success!

My vet does not think I am crazy.

MAN!  I was so happy.
There is a great acceptance of the miraculous going on, but she said that prednisone can really mess up their tummy so go get pepcid!  I am back up on the prednisone with a promise to come back after he is fattened up.

I want to apologize again to everyone who is so patient with me portending my trip to euthanize him and not doing it.  There are STILL viable options with his condition and I am just too effing stubborn to give up.

Gruel

I have been beside myself trying to get more food into him and less on me.
There is a phenomenon.  He still eats kibble.  Mostly as a treat, as in when thrown.  My samples of some Blue Buffalo and Taste of the Wild are great when I take him outside for his jaunts.  Usually if the birds have not eaten all the snacks thrown earlier in the day, he will down small handfuls.  Not enough to qualify as meals but enough to qualify as eating.
So this morning I softened up a fist full with warm water and while softening I put them on the floor and LO! He ate a bit of that!
Soggy kibble plus some instant uber condensed dried food to maximize caloric intake will save a LOT over the $2 per go cans.  When he stops getting to hungry at night so he gags and throws up empty in the AM I think I will feel much better.
Also, he is looking big.  He has a soft but roundish belly.  I can't tell if it is healthy, can't remember how big or hard the tumor felt, but this seems squishy and cat-like.  I sort of wish I could see him skinny.  JUST to know I was fattening him up.

I washed the "Jethro leash" my friends shamed me into trying to upgrade, but it never seemed to make it out of the washer..... may have to check to be sure it is not wound up in horrible places.  Here is a wonderful photo of a recent jaunt.

Season's Greetings from The Dude!

Hefty!

I swear.  He is getting bulkier.
Yesterday a friend gave me a couple of bags of the cat food she feeds her pets.  Blue Buffalo and Taste of the Wild.   He ate it like treats.  I didn't put it in a bowl, for fear he would know I wanted him to eat a lot.
He is eating (not nearly enough) but kibble and on his own.
The vertebrae are less visible and I really can't tell if the belly is round from eating properly or if it is still the tumor.  I would sort of like to see it a bit shrunken, but I can't honestly remember what a normal tummy feels like.  It LOOKS perfect.
He is leaving his little halter on all the time.  It is a wee bit tighter than I like it but he is very comfortable with it up in his armpits so when I link my "Jethro" lead to it, he just saunters our the front door with less stress.
The trips outside seem really to help him.  He is more alert and much grumpier.  He has always been grumpy.  Demanding and vocal, I was worried at first and then realized that the sweeter he is, the sicker he is.  His returning nastiness is all great!
dj*

The Dude on a walk...

My boy is an indoor cat.

I have had a very bad habit of allowing my indoor cats to go walking as their end is near.  Partially because they are weaker and I can catch them, but also because it is boring sitting around looking sick.

So I found this little dinky collar that goes around his neck and under his elbows.  He CAN pull out backwards but he has to do just enough squiggling that I can catch him.

My DCA treatments have VISIBLY shrunk his tumor.  I was not taking photos as I found it too depressing. The ones I have... well black is a very slimming color so you can't really see the bulge, but my description of about to have a litter of 10 kittens really summed it up.

Except that he won't eat enough food (he likes treats but only about 20 at a time, I tricked him into some kitten food but that was still only a few) canned or dry or anything twice to keep him alive while I give him the meds, I am slurping pumpkin/A/D pet-food and whatever open can he would not eat in the mix 6-10 fat syringefuls on both of us and hopefully into him daily.

BUT he is looking so good, I am going to keep it up.

\

No trips anywhere for the holidays... which is a GREAT thing!

Svelt...

Seriously, I swear he is getting skinny.  Not in an emaciated way (although really, he is not back to normal) but I used to cringe watching him walk away with that roundness BULGING out of him.  Well, I just look and think, I am going nuts, but it is smaller.  Like a grapefruit, not a cantaloupe and although he is bonier, he shoulders are not as bad as they were when he was really sick!

So.
Anyone know what will create an appetite?  I mean I am personally shoving all the food I can into his little mouth.  I know it is not enough but it seems to be what he needs to feed the medicine into that tumor!

Today we did enjoy TOGETHER some chicken from the grocery store.  He had about 5 or six begs and DID eat them when tossed for a while.  Then a break and a couple more.

I tried again in about an hour and he ate.

The trouble is, anything he SEEMS to like one day, he just turns his nose up at the next.

So I am wearing some Fancy Feast fish flavor today.

Hallucinating again...

Because this stuff I am giving him is untested and unregulated, I am flying blindly here, but I had a great day yesterday.

I decided he should get a chance to see the world outside the window so I took him out on a string and let him roll in the dust and bask in direct sun.... and grumble as I was not letting him run free or even very far as he would easily pull out of my little loop (I would NOT let it be a full slip knot so I stopped it from closing) but he was definitely enjoying.  Then RIGHT in and shove food plus med and right out again so he had mental residuals of excitement not force feeding.

And I remembered I had purchased some minced clams.  Was told cats love the stuff.  Poured a little on his open tin of cat food and he was SNARFING... not the whole thing, but large visible bits!
I can't really tell if he is being stubborn from my ambushes or actually anorexic.

BUT here is the hallucination.
I SWEAR his profile is looking normal.  I feel the hardness in his belly but from above, just walking by, he looks like a normal cat!
(The sellers of the DCA are not real good at advice and don't have a very thorough site for info, but they are good cheerleaders, saying that the WORST side effects are some neuropathy and if the tumor dies too quickly it can overload the animals system and cause organ failure.)  But as the prognoisis is so bad, we are double dosing and I swear, I THINK I see results.

Pat me on the head and say "well.. that is very nice..."  I don't mind being humored.

November? REALLY!

I am checking in because I have filled his monthly prednisone twice, so we are into three months and he looks like he is going to have a litter of 10 kittens!  His personality is the same but last weekend I had a freak out.  Mostly I worry he is going to starve.  That tumor is squeezing his organs to nothing, but he is breathing nicely, smoothly, quietly and purring as he does... when he does.
We had snacks.  I was eating some grocery store chicken and he was begging so he had super small tid-bits and quite a few!  I love it when he eats.... but...
Less than 10 minutes from putting the left overs away, he threw up a WHOLE stomach of all of our snacks.   His bowel movements have been regular and every other day.  A bit smaller than used to be, but this day it was hardly any... I was freaking that he was unable to eat and digest!

I ran and got pumpkin which had helped in his youth for constipation, and it was a good Holiday treat.
For the last two days he is fine.  Had a second movement the next day which made up for the stoppage.

So I have these episodes.

And I am looking into tumor shrinkers.  Some untested unapproved stuff that is over the counter... well non-prescription that I would only try as my other option is putting him to sleep.

I will post more, but honestly, he is pretty much himself!  Which is amazing and worth every minute we have...

Long Weekends.

He greeted me with a half-hearted stretch this morning.  I think the belly is stretching his skin a bit much and he stops after reaching out with his paws.  He doesn't follow through all the way to the tip of his tail like he used to.  We slept with the window open and it was wonderful.  I don't keep the air conditioning very low as I don't actually DO much around here in the summer anyway, so I don't mind, but I have worried that he may be uncomfortable.  He has a corner in the office/studio that is on the tile and he will sit in there while I type.  Sometimes he stays after I leave.
He has started protesting being petted.
He was NEVER a cuddler, but when he was sick before we would commune.  He would not put up with my lap but always found a flat spot from chin to belly on me to sleep most of the night.  In the winter, I think he found it too warm.  He will pop up beside me (always just as I am starting to doze off....) and say hi, but when I pet him, he backs off.....
I notice him staring off into space.
Last week he had a couple of tummy upsets but he is eating the wet food (OH, how much I hate that stuff!  I was so proud he never bothered me with opening cans because I gave in to begging etc.  NOW he will brazenly reach up to sniff the french fries I bring into the house... just in case he wants it!) and it moves past the mass quite handily.
What a trouper.
He doesn't like fingers.  He bites.... but he LOVES to rub against my toes.

The Photos of the End

I have to show you what stopped my life cold last month.

The Dude now looks like a pregnant girl with a four or five kitten litter ready to pop.  I must say, he actually acts that way too.  But... I was explained that the BIG WHITE BALL (a month ago... this was about the size of my fist) is a tumor.  Nothing more or less.  The little blip open space at the high spot near his spine is his stomach, the couple of blops at the bottom are  his bowel.

He has been eating soft food and I am setting my own time table:  When he doesn't have a bowel movement for three days or he begins vomiting a lot, I will know it has taken up all of his digesting space and we will have to make arrangements.....

..... but..... this time there is NO good outlook.  Anyone who has a vet in town that actually thinks they want to whittle him away would be welcome, but I cannot pay.  I am reactivating my go fund me account, to see if I can give the extra to my own absolutely wonderful vet who has worked with me so long and been so generous.  I am WAY behind, and fighting to pay the other bills. JUST something to feel like I am useful.

MEANWHILE, he is absolutely normal.
I was thinking of renaming the blog "Dead Cat Walking" but although morbidly humorous, I can't sustain the giggle that I had when he merrily waddled away and took a swipe at my foot on the way.

This post may not last long.  I just needed to vent... I mostly just watch him sleep and see him inhaling and exhaling and it makes me happy.....
Thanks to you all.  I really can't tell you how much I appreciated EVERY single one of you.
dj*

BAD news.

After a year of my same old aloof, snotty, judgemental cuddly beautiful guy back, a month or so ago, he decided he liked dark rooms more. Nothing much, just sleeping a lot which is a good response to the heat. Then a couple of weeks ago his fat belly seemed not to go down after he ate. So today we went to the doc and he has a tumor, literally baseball sized, squeezing his guts and she says there appear to be some nodules on his heart.

In a perfect world, we would go to an oncologist and find it operable and it would all be covered under some research grant.

I fear my pals who helped so much last year are just going to have to know we gave him a really great year, but his timer is going to run out at about 13. How suitable for a black cat.

I have prednisone which may reduce the inflammation and slow it, but from the speed I saw it grow, I don't think he will see Halloween.

SOOOOOOOOOOoooooo sad.....

New Personality

I was warned that there would be some changes in his "voice" which I have not seen, in his energy level etc.

I have been away helping my mom (truly a sick cat was allowing me to obsess in a very benign way until he got well. Now I have a real mother with REAL cancer) as she has results, and doctor appointment and a MOVE from the cold side of the state to the warmer one for the season. The ability to travel is the gift my cat has given me!

Upon returning from two 2-night absences in the past two weeks, all the Dude does is gripe! He has a sort of "YOU know what I want and you are NOT doing it!!" tirade. He also has a separation anxiety sort of siamesy thing that he pulls when the neighbor cat walks out of the yard. I got a serenade when I got home, but no real lovin'.

He LOOKS wide!!! I mean he literally appears to have added a lot of weight. I don't see it on the scales because I have to hold him and subtract the two weights - he jiggles too much! We need to get him in after 30 days post procedure to see what NORMAL looks like, so I will know more.

But for now, I believe I have my old aloof, terminally bored, plotter of my demise back!

dj*

Bulking Up

I came home from a three day visit with my mother and there he was.

Hard to gauge normal, BUT I got to scratching his shoulders and there right where it should be, was muscle! His very bony sharp edged blades had definite padding now!

Two nights away and it was VISIBLE. His fur is thick and not doing his projectile shedding.

His new personality is a bit evasive. He loves to rub my foot, but not so much be petted. Perhaps it is defending himself from future kidnapping and banishment???

At any rate, Monday will be the last day of nuclear kitty litter.

I was asked to get another test at 30 days. He is looking so good, I may ask my vet if we can go 60.

We have some Christmas Art to do in the mean time!!

Friday Already?

Wow, I have found it much easier to be busy with him staying well.

I went to a meeting last evening and tried hard to talk a lot of business. I actually made myself hoarse, but forgot I was gone when today rolled around. I have been locked in the house trying to make a book for a pet rescue group.

This evening, however a really great thing happened!

I was notified that my self portrait won a Second Place prize in the Richeson75 art show in Wisconsin! So, although it is STILL not money, I have a certificate for all the art supplies I should need for SOME TIME!

And the Dude is unimpressed!

Normal Doesn't Feel Normal

But it is.

I actually have no idea what to expect from him. Other than looking aloof. One might think he would be a little aware of all of the hubbub going on around him, and at least act a little grateful.

One very cooperative thing he has been doing is isolating himself. I like to keep the back room shut off. It is on the west side of the house and I don't tape it, but I shut the door and the vents so the heat from the sun on that side is not being cooled all day and costing A/C. He sneaks in and seems to like the warm. Or actually, I think the windows have a better view and I am not there wandering around. At least once a day he has run in there for a few hours. Looks up at me all smiley and happy, not hiding in the dark or anything, right there where I would step on him if I didn't look. Just stretches and looks at me.

He used to like to go in there and raid my socks drawers. LOVES my socks.

So.

Normal is just normal.

I am in the middle of art again. It is a lot easier than worry. The thing is, I have a headache now, so the typical thing is come in here and blow my eyeballs on the computer, give them a break from the drawing board!

Sunday, and Not a Thing to Report!!

I have been watching too hard.

He is sleepy. Heading under the sofa, off into the back room, but actually, not very long.

Just naps. Lots of them.

I sort of was hoping the wired hyperT would slowly wear off, but that probably happened in his stainless steel box.

So I inflict 5 minutes of quality time now and then. We are sworn to 1/2 hour of direct contact. I don't count rubbing my shoe. It is hard to gauge that, so these little grab and pet things are inflicted on him. He did jump on my chest a couple of times last night as bed time rolled around, but he was twitchy and not really enjoying it.

Today he was sleeping on the floor by his table and I skerched his ear a little. He got up, grabbed a bite, a sip and came over to the chair and stretched. Then he jumped right up, sat ON MY LAP, not his favorite place to stay as he used to be too big, so he preferred horizontal petting, and stayed a full 8 minutes of HIS OWN ACCORD. Went off to lay in the window and is napping again.

I was told by the online forums that a week of this is normal. He did have actual cells in his body fry and sizzle. No telling what that does to a body!

I am going to go visit the boyfriend and will have no curfew for the first time in I can't even REMEMBER! Usually it is dose early or come back home, then morning skip breakfast for the AM treat and meds. We left for a couple of days while he was flushing, but he was at the early part of the hyperT rebound. This is a sleepy cat that could care less and will be happy to see me gone!

Wow!

HOME!

I picked him up at about 4:30 today. I asked them to put him in his carrier while they had him out, so we could avoid the switch back a couple of times.

They said he did all of his necessary potty stuff while sedated. What guy! So they took blood, gave him a tummy shot, measured and weighed and whatever they needed.

It was a mere 108 today, so I brought a wet chilled towel to drape across the cage, to keep him cool.

It was the nicest thing! He was groggy but not at all ticked off. Just out of it enough not to say anything, but I was so thrilled: he kept sticking his nose out on my side. No complaining, just sniffing me!

When we got home, he was exploding fur and looking wet-down. The last was is to clean up all they can of the fur and I approve of the sedation. I think the blood in his furball yesterday was from his bad attitude! Hissing, growling and making himself a drama queen about it all while the little girl next door was all cuddly and lovey! He was living in stress. The sedatives made it easier on all of us. Him most of all.

By the time he was back home, introduced to new litter, a re-arranged household, and a couple of treats which he chased as usual, although with noticeably less vigor, I only got one or two editorial grumbles from him.

He went under the couch for a while and I talked him into a couple of brief rests on my lap!

There is a far away look in his eye, but he is very much NOT at all the worse for wear.

I feel his shoulder blades which were seriously bony when he left seems a bit meatier! He is walking a bit weak kneed, not sure how to explain it, but his eyes are looking around and well focused, just seriously ignoring me.

This is from less than half an hour home. He looks JUST fine now. Aloof but fine.

The cool part, and I may be hallucinating, is the little lump in his neck, smaller than a dime, that I would rub under his chin and he would occasionally choke a tiny bit when I did . . . I have not rubbed vigorously, but I SWEAR it is gone! Perhaps Mom is wishing it away but I cannot find it and he is breathing just great no matter how I scratch his chin!

WOW!

Back to watching him.

Saturday Morning.

I called them around 10.

They are busy today so I am going on the "NO NEWS . . ." good news principle.

Rhiannan said he had not taken any water or food overnight (they tend to check at 7 for weigh in and food) but as he had eaten they have no problems. I made sure they would call if there was any stool report. They gave him his first shot and again, no news.

I have decided the white tile and shower of my bathroom make a perfect little hide out for him while he cools down this week.

They won't let us sleep together, which is not how we do it. Contact is more at his "beck and call" than cuddle or "sleep together!" Short and intermittent contact is the norm but at night he sometimes sneaks up on the bed nearby.

I figure there is plenty of room for food, toys and scratching and even a cozy room in the shower for hiding out. Just would rather clean up radioactive barf off a tile floor than hunting it down under beds.

Going to get his disposable litter box and a bit more food for him to have in case he is stubborn and won't eat the usual stuff.

Glad to have his ugly scratcher go! I don't know that he much used it, but I was comforted that he had something to relieve his frustration . . . which he probably did NOT. . . which means we will be getting it at home tonight!!!

Will see you later this evening.!

MOM Is Feeling Better.

I went to bring a can of softer food for him. PERSONALLY (and you know, I don't even play a vet on TV!!) I think the panting, hissing and panic has left him with a raw throat and the panic eating is wearing out his esophagus.

When I went in Katherine was my guide today, as Melanie is off for a longer weekend. (they are open 24 hours a day so they have a lot of staff in and out). This morning we just breezed in through his grump.

This afternoon when we put out the soft food, I pushed it under his nose and he did a healthy munch on it. The Doctor who had called me earlier had a nice chat with me. I really ran out of questions.

Although I was doing everything in my power to manipulate them into letting him come home early, I kept reminding myself that I WAS NOT A VET. They do a good job and are professionals. They pointed out that injecting an antacid quickly while looking him over was fast and painless. I talked them out of anti-nausea meds because he was not actually nauseated if he was throwing a fur ball but something was amiss on the way up.

They will watch his stool tonight to see if it is dark or black and if it is normal, we will probably assume something in the throat. It might just go away and never be heard from again. I did have to authorize new medication (THANK ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE MADE IT EASIER TO SAY YES!!!) They will also inject him again on outgo, while he is groggy.

We had a good discussion about the sedation too.

Some of my great people online are concerned, as am I, about sedating him for baths and medication. Like my girlfriend pointed out, have you ever had a BAD blood pull????? Even if it is just a few pokes, the stress of the table, the isolation, the crowd of strangers, is really taking a toll on him. Kittie valium is a good thing.

And the baths.

I PERSONALLY have no ovaries or any such silliness in the child-producing department that would worry me about the exposure, but I do like that their procedure REQUIRES scrupulous monitoring of his levels and a concern for the lowest reasonable amount of rays to come home with me. I believe that he is licking a lot of his hair out even now! The hyperT coming on when he was flushed (another good thing - it encourages a HEALTHY thyroid GLAND to totally shut off and the nasties to do their worst so the I-131 could zap them all). I wanted him not to be sick again, but if his gland was working AT ALL and the disease was laying low, we would not do the best job we could. His shedding, his immediate oily fur (and I LOVED it that this doctor beat me to the punch!!!) I knew it was his being sick but never quite figured out how! His back would get very nasty. Not really anything. . . sort of like when a dog goes swimming on something he shouldn't on the curb you know?! He started that up at day 5! Full blown sick so all evil doers are gunned down. All that ugly hair won't have to come back home. We can leave it behind.

As I sat and petted him, this time he refused to make eye contact.

I sit on the ground in front of his cage and wear a big gown with cuffs and my lovely purple gloves, I kept trying to get him to say hi! Just the answer to my "Dood!" He scooched into the back wall. This time he didn't even try to get up. Hissing away. Not quite as nasty as this morning.

We opened a can of cheap Friskies pate (ha! Mush is better, but he likes licking it. Won't chomp on the shreads stuff. Just licks it up) And I stuck it under his nose. He ate. Made a good go of it.

I took it away not wanting to have him make himself sick again, but his eyes looked brighter. I can't say how, but although he was seriously ignoring me, he was glancing up and around a little more. His ears even looked pinker.

He flattened down again and with his eyes open he signified he was done with the visit.

I will get my call in the morning and I will spend the day puttering, setting up the new cat pan, prepping for where he will be hanging out when I don't want to hang out and putting out my cowboy boots for the evening's target practice from him.