A Kiss Goodbye.

From when he was about 3 months old.  He would know I would not let him go without a kiss.

I didn't get one today.   I gave him one on the head after he had gone.
Just too sick.

But he sat in the sun for almost an hour... 40 degrees and cold as it needs to be in Phoenix.  He was content:

It is not the end of the blog, I will tell you a little more but it is the end of our guy.

LOVE you so much.  

Small Victory!

He is on the soft.  ON it, not under it.

I bought a little heating pad called a Cozy Spot, which is basically a pocket with two holes sewed on an 8" heating pad.  Not really hot, not really big and I put it under the towel I keep for him so the tile floor doesn't chill him more than my already chilly, space-heated room.

After a bad attempt at letting the pepcid dissolve (too anxious on my part) and finding both his pills still in the syringe, I gave him a soggier smaller dose and tried to hurry him outside for his promised sit.

Brrr.  HE may have enjoyed it but humans are not strong enough to sit there and chill, so it was a brief escape.  I caught him at the water bowl and he had tried a taste of the AD.  AD smells something yuck, which cats - normal cats - find very yum.  He gave it a couple of licks.   I am not sure if that indicates he is getting the tiniest appetite again or what but he didn't even try it yesterday.

And I brought him to the sofa and left him on the electric blanket.    And, he stayed for a while while I sketched.

Now when I go back, he will probably have hunkered down again, but he tolerated me again.

Success!

My vet does not think I am crazy.

MAN!  I was so happy.
There is a great acceptance of the miraculous going on, but she said that prednisone can really mess up their tummy so go get pepcid!  I am back up on the prednisone with a promise to come back after he is fattened up.

I want to apologize again to everyone who is so patient with me portending my trip to euthanize him and not doing it.  There are STILL viable options with his condition and I am just too effing stubborn to give up.

Well, we may be premature.

So I have been so worried about his kidneys I wanted him to reduce the prednisone.  Apparently those side effects I was not seeing (weight gain and over-eating) were diminishing.  So I just watched him war with me about food for a whole day and went back to the full dose.
Today he is so much more himself.
He loves to go outside and watch the birds.  The dove circles him and the two mocking birds that eat his leftovers watch, he watches back.  I have not had much luck of recent days doing much but sitting outside, but he does think the same kibble is tastier out there.
I keep reading about acclimating pets to new food.  It seems he literally cycles.  One day he only likes treats.  One day it is the fake steak red bits in the kitten food.  One day the green ones.  I swear, he is messing with me!

So, because he has a foot stool near the window but likes to sleep on the electric blanket all day (on) I saw a little sort of an electric muff in the Walgreens and put it on his glass viewing table with a (yes, I have one) Snuggy, all folded up to allow me to unplug and possibly save a bit of fear and electricity.

He is good today.

I am ok too!

Talking to myself...

When you have four followers, I know this information is not earth shattering.
I know it is a lot more isolating caring for the sick, whether human or furry, and I have exhausted the ears of my face to face friends, but I am venting again.

Seems like holidays and weekends tend to seem worse.  Not sure if it is me because I have no distractions or if what I am seeing I should be looking at EVEN MORE closely.   He is sleeping a lot.   He is not eating again.  I am hallucinating the tummy is getting bigger.

Bigger.... about like he was in September when I brought him in because he was throwing up and acting oddly.   Now I am not at all sure what oddly is.  BUT because I am inflicting nourishment on him multiple times a day, he does not vomit much at all.  Tends to on empty to wake me up gently in the morning, running for the paper towels!  But more than a week apart.  When he was healthy he would eat too much too fast and throw a full tummy up... when I was gone it would end up cleaned up by him, but as I am around a lot more now, I know it is staying down and only once.

His fur is shiny, although when I pet him a lot it looks clumpy.  I know that is static electricity because we spark a bit too.  Unloved he is fluffy, not shedding and full.

There are very odd and distinct brown clumps in the irises of his tree-frog green eyes.  I wish I knew someone skilled in pet virology because I KNOW it is telling us something.

And he barely notices birds when we go out.

My plan was to sort of stimulate his appetite.  Let him think of stalking his food and bring him in to chase treats... but he is so used to it, he barely chatters at the mocking bird or two and the Inca dove that tends to join us (THEY like the kibble... even if he is ignoring it.)

Yesterday a neighbor and her sister walked by and humans chatted, but he made an escape right out of his collar and into the door.  That was great!  I don't want him panicking but if he comes inside I don't have to fear him running off.

So.... I see him doing little muscle twitches that I think must be from the DCA.  I am going to invest in the B1 they say we need and the neuropathy is reversible.  BUT I still don't know what that tumor IS.  I am trying to cut the steroids in case I actually have a whole cat at the end of this.  I would like him functional, not sick from the side effects... but I really am hoping his wonderful sleepy, cheerful self (not him, really... so I know he is not well) can stay a LOT longer.  But I really will need to get a life SOME day!